Living With Light And Liv
by TheGodKings
Summary: The editor's of My Immortal bring you a tale of epicness. A tale of two ridiculous Hogwarts students. A tale of us. Come join us on a series of ridiculous adventures. For the banter.
1. Chapter 1

A/N- This is basically what Liv and I would be like if we were Hogwarts students. This came purely from a conversation about me writing a Harry Potter fic about us, comprised completely of 'Woop's. Be glad you got this instead.

Every event in this story is at least somewhat based on actual events. All named characters in this who aren't cannon (There'll be very few cannon characters) are friends of ours. And my mother.

Enjoy the sheer ridiculous that is Liv and I.

-Light.

* * *

"Liv! Hey!" Light yelled across the common room.

Liv stayed silent, determinedly ignoring her best friend.

"Liiivvvvvv!" Light whined, walking across the room collapsing into the plush blue armchair beside her.

"What is it now? I'm trying to do my Potions essay." Liv replied, fixing her glasses.

"Potions is for pussies! Stop pretending to be studious." Light exclaimed, reaching out and stealing Liv's potions book.

"Don't deface my potions book." Liv said, glaring at her predictable friend.

"Challenge accepted!" Light laughed as she reached for a stray quill.

Liv sighed, rolling up her parchment and storing it safely (hopefully) in her bag.

Light eventually closed the book with a loud snap, handing it back to Liv, looking far too pleased with herself.

Liv stared down her friend. Or, at least, she tried to.

Light stared back, narrowing eyes.

"You. Me. Smoke. Now." she said.

"Another? We smoked after History of Magic!" Liv said.  
"Yeah, whole two hours ago!" Light replied, already reaching for her bag.

"We smoked DURING Care of Magical Creatures." Liv countered.

"Well, if you are going to put me next to an open flame, shit is going to happen. At least I only smoked and didn't light anything on fire."

"Like my hair." Liv glared.

"THAT WAS ONE TIME!" Light yelled, flailing her arms around, drawing the attention of some startled first years.

"Don't mind that. You get used to it." A bored looking seventh year said, not even raising his glance from his book.

"Hey, Light! Did you ever get rid of that cup of tea, in the end?" he asked the pink haired girl in the seat behind him.

"What cup of tea?" she replied, looking vaguely confused.

"The one that you used for that experiment?" he replied, placing his blue and bronze bookmark on a page and shutting his book.

"Experiment?" asked a fearful first year.  
"Oh, yeah! That cup of tea. Meh, it's not doing any harm." Light said, shrugging her shoulders.

"It's been there since before the holidays. I can feel it looking at me." the boy said, deadpan expression on his face.

"Pfft. Be a man about it." Light said leaning over the back of her chair and slinging her arm over the boys shoulders.

"W-what experiment?" A first year stuttered.

Light surveyed the young girl.  
"I wanted to see that if you left a cup of tea out long enough, would it go back to being warm." Light replied nonchalantly.

"Um, did it?" the girl asked.

"It did indeed! Still trying to figure out why it started boiling though. I thought it'd go lukewarm, at best." Light said thoughtfully.

"Ehh, about that." Liv spoke up, pausing her search for Light's vandalism.

"What?" Light replied, spinning in her chair and settling a suspicious glance on her dark haired best friend.  
"I may have cast a heating spell on it." Liv replied sheepishly.

Light stared at her, mouth opening and closing in shock.  
"You.. You lied to me. You BETRAYED me!" Light yelled in shock.

"I'm just surprised you didn't notice. You were standing right next to me. In fact, I'm pretty sure I TOLD you I was doing it." Liv sighed, returning to her potions book.

Light pondered for a moment.

"I have no recollection of this." She said suspiciously.

"That doesn't mean it never happened." Liv replied.

Light shrugged. "Fair enough." She said, relaxing into her chair.

"Does this mean you'll get rid of the cup?" The boy asked, tilting his head back to look a Light.

"...No." Light replied.

Liv reached out and snapped her fingers to get Light's ever wandering attention.

"Light!"

"What?" Light whined.

"Don't you have homework?" Liv asked, gesturing to Light's overflowing school bag.

"Meh. I have more important things to do." Light said, crossing her arms over her chest and putting her feet on the ornate coffee table in front of her.

"Like writing 'bitches love cannons' all over the instructions on how to brew a sleeping potion?"

"Exactly!"

"..."

Liv rolled her eyes, storing her book in her bag and looking at Light expectantly.  
"Smoke?" she asked.

Light jumped up from her chair, grabbing her bag and grinning.  
"To the astronomy tower!" she exclaimed, hopping over a low end table and heading for the door.

Liv gathered up her bag and followed her enthusiastic friend, casting an apologetic look at the first years as she left.

The first years exchanged nervous glances, unsure what to make of their new housemates.

The seventh year rolled his eyes, exhaling in exasperation.

He leaned back in his chair and levelled his gaze on the confused first years.

"Welcome to Ravenclaw."

* * *

A/N- The tea thing? I never actually got around to that experiment. Even though I planned on doing it about two years ago. Huh. I should go do that.

As far as the pink hair thing goes, I'm not Mary-Sueing myself. I actually do have pink hair. For now.

If anyone's still reading this, I commend you. Here, have a cookie.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- MOAR. Well, at little bit more. In this chapter, Light and Liv begin their 'adventure'. May God help us all.

-Light.

* * *

Liv heaved open the heavy door, stepping out into the cool evening breeze. Light sped past her, heading for their favourite smoking tree, happily anticipating the cigarette she had been waiting for for the past, well, twenty minutes.

Liv followed her friend, reaching into the pocket of her customary grey skirt and withdrawing a packet of Silk Cut Choice and her trusty lighter, affectionately named 'Butters.'

She caught up to Light just as Light was rooting through her bag in search of something unidentified. Liv disregarded her friend's looting and sat herself at the base of the old oak tree.

Lighting a cigarette, she inhaled contentedly, relaxing against the trunk and staring out over the lake.

"Aha!" Light exclaimed eventually, pulling a bottle of Rock Shandy from her bag, spilling the contents of the over-stuffed bag in the process. She lay back on the grass and took a pristine packet of Marlboro Red from her pocket.

"Oh, Marlboro. How I've missed you." she sighed.

Liv didn't spare her a glance. "It's been all of an hour, Light." she said, taking a drag from her menthol cigarette.

"Your point being? Stupid Slytherins stealing our astronomy tower." Light grumbled, struggling to ignite a flame with her purple lighter.

Liv laughed. "Scumbag lighter being a little bitch again?" she asked.

"When is Scumbag lighter NOT being a little bitch?" Light sighed. "Here, give me Butters."

Liv handed over the black lighter.  
Light lit her cigarette, inhaling deeply and dropping her head against the ground.

"You should really buy a new lighter" Liv commented, looking at the discarded purple lighter.

"Effort!" Light said, taking a drink from her bottle of Rock Shandy, expertly avoiding spilling any onto herself or the grass.

Liv shrugged, closing her eyes and blocking out the world around her.

After several minutes of unusual silence, Light poked Liv in the side.  
"Woop?" she said.

"Woop? Woop woop." Liv replied seriously.  
"Woop woop. Woop woop woop." Light said, seeming content with her answer.

Silence followed, broken after mere moments by Liv's laughter.

"What the fuck just happened?!" she laughed, clutching her side.

"I don't even know any more." Light said, shaking her head and discarding her finished cigarette.

She sat up, cracking her back and surveying their surroundings.

"Oh, God." she said, hitting her head against the tree trunk in frustration.

"What is it?" Liv asked, glancing around her.  
"She's back" Light groaned.

"Dickwaffle?" Liv asked, straining her eyes to see the infuriating Hufflepuff.

"Dickwaffle." Light replied, gesturing towards a tree about 30 feet away.

Sure enough, hiding behind the tree in a manner which made her really quite visible to anyone who was looking, the 7th year girl stood, staring at the Ravenclaw duo.

"We just can't get rid of her, can we? She's like herpes, just even more fucking annoying." Light bitched.

"One of these nights, we're going to wake up and she'll be standing over one of beds with a carving knife." Liv complained, pointedly refusing to look towards the girl.

"Or, more likely, one of these days she going to say something that really, really pisses me off, and I'm going to punch her in the face. Hard." Light commented, and Liv knew better than to think she was joking.

They began a heartfelt conversation about how they'd most like to get Dickwaffle out of their lives. The methods included, but were not limited to, dropping a hippogriff on her, trapping her in a wardrobe, borrowing the Doctor's TARDIS and going back in time to falcon punch her pregnant mother in the stomach and Liv's personal favourite, locking her in a room with Tara Gilespie.

After several minutes of discussion on the Ravenclaw's part, and creeping on Dickwaffle's, the sound of someone running attracted the girl's attention.  
"Liv? Why is Martin running across the grass like a spastic?" Light asked, somewhat wary of the answer. Martin never ran.  
"TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! TROLL IN THE DUNGEON!" The Gryffindor yelled, coming to a halt in front of the two and collapsing on the grass, trying to catch his breath.

Liv and Light stared at him.  
"There's a troll in the dungeon? An actual troll?" Liv asked, looking confused.

Martin nodded vigorously.  
"Bullshit bro, there's no way a troll is loose in the dungeon." Light dead panned, reaching out to smack the boy on the back of the head.

A loud banging noise was heard and a stream of scared and confused students came streaming out into the grounds.

The Prefects were desperately trying to organise to frantic younger students, while many of the older ones found the situation.  
"SETTLE DOWN! THE SITUATION IS UNDER CONTROL! THE TEACHERS CAN HANDLE THIS!" A Gryffindor Prefect yelled over the noise.

Liv and Light exchanged glances.

"Holy shit, there's a troll in the dungeon." Light said.

"I fucking TOLD you!"

* * *

A/N- There you go, Martin. There's a troll in the dungeon. I hope you're happy.

Fucking Dickwaffle. Being a creep and all. She's annoying as fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- In which they face the troll. And Liv gets hungry.

Serious business.

-Light.

* * *

"Hey. Hey! WILL!" Liv yelled, running for her fellow Ravenclaw.

"Hey! Did you hear? There's a troll in the dungeon!" Will said happily, gesturing towards the castle.  
"Yeah, we-" "I'm just hoping it wrecks the potions room." A long haired Gryffindor appeared behind Will, ignoring the death glare Liv sent in his direction.

"Hey, Rory. Haven't seen you in a while. Still smuggling guitars into Hogwarts?" Martin asked, brofisting his childhood friend.  
"You know it, man. Got a beauty there last night. Have her hidden inside the suit of armour next to Binns' classroom." Rory replied. Martin nodded in appreciation.

"So, TROLL IN THE DUNGEON?" Light cut in, poking Will in expectation.

"Yeah, they think on of the Slytherin's brought it in. Y'know. For the hell of it." Will replied.

"That would make sense, but I have one question." Liv said, looking a Light with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, if there's a troll in the dungeon, why the fuck are we still here?" Light continued, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

The boys laughed, nodding in agreement and the group began barging their way towards the entrance. As they neared the steps, a blur of black and stupidity blocked their way.

"What the FUCK do you think you're doing?" a girl dressed in clothes from a bad vampire novel screeched.

"Going for a pleasant walk around the grounds?" Martin said, rolling his eyes.

"You're going after that troll, aren't you?! You stupid fucking preps! I'M going after the troll. I can stop it because I'm a VAMPIRE. And GOFFIK!"

"Oh, fuck of Ebony." Rory said, barging past her and walking up the steps.

"Ebony? I thought her name was Tara?" Liv asked, following him to the door.  
"Who really knows any more? I thought it was Enoby for years." Will said, opening the door hurriedly.

"HEY! YOU THERE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" an angry Gryffindor yelled.

"It's okay, we're Prefects!" Light yelled, pushing the others through the door.

"I still don't know how you're a Prefect." Martin said as she shut the door behind them.

"Yeah, me neither" agreed Liv, a undertone of irritation in her voice.

"Troll. Dungeon. Now." Light ushered, heading for the stairs.

A loud roar sounded from above them.

"So, troll NOT in the dungeon." Will said, running up the stairs to the first floor.

After searching for several minutes, which was too long considering it really shouldn't be difficult to find a troll, of all things, the stench led them down a dimly lit corridor.  
"Looks like someone had the same idea." Martin said, gesturing along a side corridor.

"Hey Mike!" Light greeted, recognising the trademark green hat immediately.  
"Hey! Heard we had a troll infestation. Gonna go see if it communicates solely in leetspeak." Mike said, joining the group on their quest.

Rounding a corner, they laid eyes on a massive, and I do mean massive, grey troll, who was beating a wall furiously with a club.

"Oh, great, it's Karkat." Light said, thoroughly unimpressed.

The troll turned, making his way towards the end of the hall.

"He's heading for the KITCHENS!" Liv screamed, fury lacing her voice.

"STOP RIGHT THE FUCK THERE!" Liv yelled, picking up pot plant and flinging it towards the unsuspecting troll.

Catching it's attention, the troll turned, brandishing it's club.

Martin, ever the martial artist, leaped for the troll, delivering a fancy kick to it's upper leg. And promptly tripping over it's giant foot. The troll attempted to move towards them, but stumbled over Martin, hitting it's head off of the wall and crashing to the ground, unconscious.

The students stared in disbelief as Martin picked himself up off the ground.

"I meant to do that." He said, nonchalantly.

Will muttered in disbelief. Rory and Liv approached the unmoving troll. Liv, being Liv, wasted no time in jumping over it's legs and heading away from the group.

"Where are you going?" Mike yelled after her.  
"I'm hungry now!" She shouted in reply. Mike turned to Light in question.  
"Eh, it's Liv." She shrugged.

They turned their attention to the long-haired Gryffindor who was prodding the troll with his foot.  
"Well, that was anti-climactic."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N- Where Light and Liv pass on their ways to first years. Spoilers for Percy Jackson and the Olympians- The Last Olympian, I suppose.

* * *

"Liv. Liv. Liv. Liv. Liv. Liv. Liv. LIV!" Light called, collapsing into the chair next to her best friend.

"Yeah?" Liv asked, reluctantly raising her eyes from 'The Last Olympian'.

"What're you reading?" Light asked, leaning over her shoulder.

"Percy Jackson." Liv said, returning to her book.

"Oooh, awesome. What's happening?" Light enquired.

"Luke's dying." Liv replied nonchalantly.

"..What?" Light's voice cracked.

Liv rolled her eyes. "You KNOW he dies. You've read the goddamn books."

"But... Luke.." Light said, pouting spectacularly.

"If it makes you feel any better, Jake Abel's fine." Liv said, humouring her.

Light pondered for a moment.

"That DOES make feel better." she smiled, standing up and reaching for Liv's hand.

"C'mon. We have Prefect things to do." she said, dragging Liv from her seat.

"I'm not a Prefect, Light." Liv sighed.

"But I am, which is basically the same thing." Light said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
To be fair, it was.

Twenty minutes and five distractions later, the two entered the Ravenclaw Common Room.

"First years! ASSEMBLE!" Liv yelled, with a dramatic gesture.

To everyone's amazement, a stream of first years frantically lined up in front of the two.

"Wow, I cannot believe that worked." Liv said and Light nodded in agreement.

A first year girl raised her hand carefully.

"Yes, you. With the hair." Liv said, pointing to the girl.  
She looked momentarily confused, and in a small voice said "You're seventh years. We have to listen to you."

Light made an expression that was a mix of delight and evil.

"No!" a seventh year called from across the common room.

"But-" "NO." That Guy interrupted.  
"But so many opportunities!" Light exclaimed, hands flailing.  
"NO." That Guy replied, staring Light down.

"Pfft. Fine." She pouted.

"And get rid of the fucking tea cup." He said, turning back to his essay.

"ANYWAY. Back to the first years. We're gonna pick some of you to look after for the year." Liv interrupted.

She pointed to six first years. "You. You shall be our pets. Come to the Great Hall with us." She said, standing back and pointing towards the door.

After a few moments, the scared first years headed for the door.

A few minutes later found the two seventh years sitting at the Ravenclaw table across from their selected group.

"Now. Since we've basically taken you under our wing-" Light began.

"OM NOM NOM NOM"

"-we think it's only fair that you know a little about us."

"OM NOM NOM NOM."

"So feel free to ask us any questions. Go for it."  
"OM NOM NOM NOM."  
"LIV! Really, calm the fuck down. We don't want you to make this years first years starve, AGAIN, do we?" Light asked, hitting Liv on the back of the head.

Liv looked up from where she was stuffing her face with food.  
"I won't apologise." she said after swallowing a mouthful of chicken.

"I have a question." a boy asked, putting up his hand.

"Go for it, kid. And you don't need to put up your hand." Light said.

"Well-"

"Actually, on second thought, yes. Do put up your hands." Light interrupted.

The boy looked confused but continued.

"Well, I was just wondering. You tell us to do something, but that other seventh year tells us something different." the boy said.  
"What other guy? Oh That Guy!" Liv said, sipping a glass of pumpkin juice.

"Yeah, That Guy. That's his name by the way. That Guy. Yeah, he's cool. Seems a bit stuck up, but last year, the Huff-n-puffs were having a party in the Room of Requirement, and That Guy showed up. Nobody invited him, but he just strolled in, chugged a keg of fire whisky and broke a window with a Slytherin's face." Light explained.

"Yeah, That Guy's a tank." Liv agreed. "But you should listen to us."

Light nodded.  
"Ehh, Huff-n-puffs?" A girl asked.  
"Oh, it's what we call the stoner group of Hufflepuffs. There's quite a lot of them, actually. Fun guys, once you get them to stop staring at their hands." Light clarified.

"I have a question. A Slytherin called me a mudblood the other day. I know she was just being mean, but do people actually treat muggle borns differently here?" a small girl asked.

"Nah, we don't care really. Only the Slytherin's care about that sort of shit. And even then, it's only some of them. I'm a Pureblood myself, though. Both my parents are magic. My dad was a Gryffindor and my mum was a Slytherin. That's how Light and I know each other. Her mum was a Slytherin too. " Liv said.

"What did your parents say when you were put into Ravenclaw?"

"Well, they were both in different houses, so they didn't care. My older brother was a Gryffindor like dad, but they were just happy for me when I got Ravenclaw." Liv said.

"My mum was a hatstall between Slytherin and Ravenclaw anyway, so she was delighted when I got Ravenclaw. My older brother was a Slytherin like her, so she was just happy she could hear secrets about the other houses." Light laughed.  
"Are you a Pureblood too?" a girl asked Light.  
"Me? No, my father wasn't a wizard." Light replied.  
"So you're a half blood?" she asked.

"Oh, don't get her started." Liv complained.  
"I prefer the term Demigod, actually." Light said seriously.

"...Demigod?"

"Yeah, her dad's Zeus. Y'know. God of Sky and Thunder." Liv explained.

The first years were stunned into silence.  
"...Really?" one asked eventually.

"Oh, yeah. I don't see him much. He's pretty bad at keeping in touch. Sends Christmas and birthday presents though. Although why he thought giving Pandora's Box to a 12 year was good idea... I live with my mum and step dad though. Lar's pretty cool. And he's a muggle, so I get the best of all worlds really." Light said happily.

"Do you have any powers?"

"No, actually. It kind of sucks. The kids in Percy Jackson got off well. I can read some Ancient Greek and I never get sick while flying, but that's it. Kind of sucks, honestly." Light said.

"Any other questions? No? We'll talk to you about the teachers, so." Liv said.  
"The thing you need to know is what teachers will let you off with not doing homework, which classes you can sleep in and which you can straight out skip." Liv said.  
"Yeah, like Divination. Best class to smoke in. Even better than Care of Magical Creatures. It's not even that Trelawney doesn't care, she just doesn't notice. Extra points if you make up prophecys every few lessons. She'll try to decipher it for the whole class. And then tell you you're going to die. Or get a papercut." Light laughed.

"She's off her head too. I've never known anyone to be so stoned all the time." Liv added.

"She does drugs?" a girl squeaked.  
"Where do you think the Huff-n-puffs get their weed?" Light asked.

The girl looked vaguely frightened.  
"History of Magic? Don't bother going. Binns was around before taking attendance was invented, so he never does it. Word of advice for Potions? Blow everything up. Light has blown up every potion she has ever made in Snape's class." Liv said.

"What did you get in your OWLs?" one asked Light.  
"I got and 'O'. I'm actually a beast at potions. I just don't like Snape. Apparently my hair irritates him." she said, gesturing to her pink curls.  
"What about Transfiguration? Can we skip that? I hate the teacher." A boy asked.

Light glared at him. "Minerva McGonagall is a wonderful lady and she WILL have your respect!" She ordered, hitting her hand off the table. The boy tried to disappear into the floor.

"Now, on to Prefects. I'm one, as you know." Light began.  
"Umm, no offence, but I would have thought she'd be the Prefect." A boy said, pointing at Liv.  
"So would I." Liv replied, glaring at Light.  
Light laughed. "Basically, Liv behaved really well for the first four years in the hopes of getting Prefect. I didn't. But seeing as how we were inseparable, Dumbledore knew she was actually as crazy as me. I got Prefect because at least I was honest about it." Light said, grinning and nudging Liv in the side.

"ANYWAY. As she said, Light's a Prefect, regardless of poor decisions. That Guy is the other Ravenclaw Prefect, the two in Gryffindor are decent. You'd have fun with them. One of the Slytherin's is an asshole, but the other is pretty cool. The Hufflepuff girl has her head in the clouds all of the time and the other is an absolute Hero." Liv explained.  
"Yes. I fucking love Jack." Light agreed.

"Jack Heartnett is amazing. He's one of the most entertaining people I've ever met and he will have the banter. Always. I much prefer him to the old guy. Cedric something or other. What ever happened to that guy, anyway?" Liv turned to Light.  
"I heard he moved to America and started glittering." Light replied, shrugging.

Liv checked the time and groaned.  
"I need to get back to my homework" she said, looking miserable.  
Light nodded in agreement.  
"We'll finish this up with some advice. Never, ever go to a Slytherin hosted party, don't take food or drink from the Huff-n-puffs and whatever you do, stay away from Dickwaffle and Ebony. Tara. Egogy. Whatever her name is." Light said.  
"Who?" a first year asked.  
"Really, really annoying Hufflepuffs. Dickwaffle's just really irritating. Tara wears the Slytherin robes, but she's still a Hufflepuff. She likes to think she's a vampire, calls herself 'goffik' and calls anybody who doesn't like her a 'prep'. She's just not worth the air it takes to talk to her. I have a policy of 'maybe if I ignore her she'll go away'. It works most of the time." Light said.

"That's pretty much all we had to say. Enjoy Hogwarts, respect Minerva McGonagall and avoid Peeves the Poltergeist and his BFF Ghost Nappa. If you listen to our advice, you should survive."

* * *

A/N- That Guy is the boy from the first chapter. I like him, so expect him to be a recurring character. Jack Heartnett was created because we need a badass Hufflepuff. Not much more to say on this.

-Light.


End file.
